wow
crazy things have happened lately, not to me but really to others
they've just affected me by default.

Adventures with Charlie

I hate to bring up the big and ugly facts of my life, but last night I was compared to a dog. My dad had a dog named Finn. He went to California for an adventure. He also left Finn in Montana in a kennel and then called my Uncle Ron and my Mom to come and pick Finn up. They picked him up and took him back to Michigan.
My mom told him that Finn wasn't happy and that Ron couldn't take care of him. My father just left him here to die!
I thus have concluded that I'm Finn, reincarnated. It breaks my heart to know this, but once again I'll always know that I was abandoned from the time that I was concieved. I did have my mother, grandpa and grandma. I now have my entire father's family.

13 September 2007

I can't believe everything that has been going on lately. MAJOR TRANSITION!
I am extremely worried about Courtney. which would mean that I have my proirities messed up.
I just really want everything to be okay with her.
Where do I begin with the "sister" title. I never would have thought that Joe would have started calling me his sister. Especially with how we were in May of last year. I guess I just read him the wrong way. I have to say there is some part of me that says ha to everyone else. I was adopted into his life and for once I'm on his special list. I'm right under Courtney on the "sister" list. That doesn't mean that all my feelings go away. I think that I'll always have romantic feelings for him, we dated and then fake dated. Talk about a crazy road to go down.
School is going well and the friends here are my world. Not to mention the music that I've been listening to has made me extremely happy, due to the fact that I'm highly emotional I need good music to get me through.
I can't believe tomorrow is FRIDAY that makes me happy!! Chapel and major praying will go on.

Life is a crazy JOURNEY

I can't believe how life is right now.
Everything happens so unexpectedly.
I know I'm just waiting for June to come
I have no clue what June really brings for me
I don't know if it will even happen at this point AHHH!
Sometimes I wish I could just be free to do what I want but that's life.
I think I'm losing my connection with God and gaining a connection with people
I'm a people person
People are what get me through
I just wish the right person could get me through
If they could just get me through everything at least once
Once in my life...that would be amazing, to have a male by my side
To have a male by my side thinking only about how wonderful things are
how wonderful things are and can be with me, with me

I connect this all to loneliness
couples are everywhere and it scares me
it scares me to think about what i have never had
what i have never had in my entire lifetime and it's sad
i don't want to be me sometimes, not that i know who i want to be
do i want to be the bad girl that cares about nothing at all
or do i want to be the good girl that care about God and everyone

Life is a crazy JOURNEY

I can't believe how life is right now.
Everything happens so unexpectedly.
I know I'm just waiting for June to come
I have no clue what June really brings for me
I don't know if it will even happen at this point AHHH!
Sometimes I wish I could just be free to do what I want but that's life.
I think I'm losing my connection with God and gaining a connection with people
I'm a people person
People are what get me through
I just wish the right person could get me through
If they could just get me through everything at least once
Once in my life...that would be amazing, to have a male by my side
To have a male by my side thinking only about how wonderful things are
how wonderful things are and can be with me, with me

I connect this all to loneliness
couples are everywhere and it scares me
it scares me to think about what i have never had
what i have never had in my entire lifetime and it's sad
i don't want to be me sometimes, not that i know who i want to be
do i want to be the bad girl that cares about nothing at all
or do i want to be the good girl that care about God and everyone

2006
Life has changed so much. I love being here at CU. I had a moment last night that made me realize how important the choices I made as a child influence me now. Life can change so quickly, I'm so glad that nothing changed last night. Who would have thought a pregnancy test could make you think this much. Even if it was negative I really hope it was a big FAT wake up call.
I can't believe that Spring Break is running at us. I can't wait a break from these challenging classes.

MOVING ON

It's been a year. I'm slowly moving on. when I'm at school I do fine, completely distracted. when I'm with certain people though it really makes me relapse. I'm happy for them and I understand that they love each other. I'm just worried that things aren't as perfect as they seem to be. I am worried for him. He treats her so well, I just wonder how she treats him. I know that she is a great person and I thought of her as one of my closest friends. WE've lost a lot of trust throughout the summer, but I still want her in my life. I know how important it is to him. We had one good night a couple of months ago and I must have screwed things up. I know I'm off at college and out of the loop, but it seems as though I'm in the wrong loop. I find out what they've done and what their future plans are, but not how they are now and if they're both happy with each other. They are both my friends and I want to know if they are in a good, healthy relationship.
I can't believe all that my mom and friends have gone through. They are all sick of me talking about him. I did a good job for a while. I went about three weeks without talking about him constantly. It seems like with this Italy thing though. I scares me about my future, and why don't I have someone, a plan and an idea of why I'm in college. I know why I'm talking about him, unlike last year, I'm not in the marage of liking him, I miss him. The times we've had over the years and the little things we used to do each and every day. I miss him calling me and asking me to go to the store with him(even when I really couldn't and I went anyway). I'm so glad that we are just friends. I can see the romantic things he can do for people and yeah I would love that, just not from him. I really don't feel that way about him. People always say, can you picture yourself with the person and I have to say, NO. I can't. WHAT A RELIEF. when he wrote me that letter, I was sad, that he didn't give it a chance and then I was relieved. I felt the same way. I FELT THE SAME WAY. I have a brother, a distant one, but still. He knows that no matter what I'll be here for him. When he graduates, he'll understand that the time I spent away from him was for the better.

over and out

New friends and old ones found

It's amazing to have Curtis back and to see him so happy. There love for each other is a little bit annoying at time but I know that if I was in a relationship I would want it to be the same way. I just wish I had what Katie has. I really hope she realizes how amazing and caring Curtis is. He would die for her in a heart beat. I just hope that they last forever and that my Prince Charming finds me tomorrow. I don't know if I can take that kind of leap again. It was really big for me to do that with Curtis and the process didn't end so well either. I really don't do well with rejection eventhough I felt the same way. I just truly wish I was in the kind of relationship that her and Curtis are in. They both are beaming and don't really care if people like the or not. I'm sure glad I do. I feel like proclaiming it to the world. I can't wait for the wedding.

me

PS if someone is reading this please comment. I feel like I'm talking to the wall. Especially if this is KAtie